jokes,jokes and more jokes

[STARRY]

this is all

[Bob!]

Moved to Humor ;)

[Shane]

Ok, thats not a very good Joke!!!

Post your jokes here people!!!

[Nick]

What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's Finger!

[Mikhael]

wot is blak white and read all over
a penguin wit sunburn lol

[Shane]

What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's Finger!
Thats one is a classic!!

[Mamfy]

why did the teletubbies all go to the toilet together?
coz they only had one tinky winky!!

[MathewS]

Hold the Mayo

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over and to try to keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfrend will say tomato if she wants him to go slower and lettuce for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "lettuce,lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night, you got mayonaise in my eye!"

[Mamfy]

haha lol thats good! what dirty people we have in here;)

[jesus'_bright_red_pants]

You are yet to meet Scotty (Britney).....

[Mamfy]

uh oh, should i prepare myself? :-s

[jesus'_bright_red_pants]

uh oh, should i prepare myself? :-sErm.....YEAH!

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

To get to the other side !

(Ok I forgot my mega cool one!)

[MathewS]

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to
make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being. Anything you want after
all you're the guv'

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I don't want
just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!" screams Noah "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill
it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well. Sort of right. This time I want you to fill it up
with fish", God answers.

"Fish?" queries Noah.

"Yep, fish. Well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall,
floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you
want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?"
"Check".

"Why?" Asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end
of his tether.

"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".

[Mamfy]

lollorz

[Mikhael]

did u hear the joke about the magic trackor
it went down the road and turned into a field lol

[Drunk_druid]

A woman takes her labrador to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" she asks.
"Well," says the vet. "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down."
"What? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
thats a pretty bad one

[Shane]

Its better than some of the crap you hear!

[Drunk_druid]

This is my current fav:
One day a little boy came home from school and said to his mother, "Mummy, today at school I was punished for something I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But thats terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way what is it you didn't do?"
The little boy replied, "My homework."
I like it!!

[Shane]

I have actually said that one before!!!

[Drunk_druid]

cool i just found this one:
This is an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and the Canadian coast authorities
Canadians (C): Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
Americans (A): Recommend you divert your cause 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision.
C: Negative, you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
A: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
C: No, I say again divert your course.
A: This is the aircraft carrier US Lincoln, the second largest ship in the US atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
C: This is a lighthouse, your choice.

[Drunk_druid]

...did no-one else find this funny??

[MathewS]

heard it a long time ago.

[Mamfy]

lol thats just stupid:P

[Mikhael]

did u here about the one with the constepated maths teacher
he worked it out with a pencil

[Riccardo]

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!''
''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, “earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!''
All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway.
''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''

[Mamfy]

hahaha good one

[Mamfy]

a pirate walks into a bar....the bartender says 'sir do you know that you have a steering wheel attached to your pants?'...the pirate says....'arrrrr, i know, its driven me nuts!'

[MathewS]

that pirate one ive heard before, always good for a laugh

[Mamfy]

:D A man walks into a library and says to the lady behind the counter 'Fish and chips please' ANd the lady goes 'Sorry, but this is a library'
The man walks out, but then comes straight back in and whispers to the lady behind the counter 'Fish and chips please'

[Entice]

Lol, what great jokes we have.

[Queen Shaqua]

Hehehehe. :D

[ingramswordsman]

Q:I have three eyes, snot hagging from my nose, arses for ears and swollen lips. What am I?
A: Pretty ugly.
*WATISH*